LXIII

This visit is long overdue. Things haven't exactly been running as smooth as I would have wished but sometimes events and situations that make a person uncomfortable and push them out of their comfort zone seems to be the one thing that can make a person wake up and realize life isn't a bunch of quick fixes. That sentence probably doesn't make sense to a lot of people, and I'm pretty sure even if i were to go back and read that, it would stop making sense to me. but the point being is, it makes sense to me right now, in my head. And currently, that's all I'm worried about. Things making sense up here. Because most of the time, when it manages to seep in and glow in my mind, it tends to come out all topsy turvy and crooked in the real world. And I'm left explaining what I meant to say rather than what i did say in comparison to what i was going to say and all that mumbo jumbo. Before I know it, things stop maknig sense all over again. So here goes a long ass combination of words and phrases that somehow link together to support some weird part of my mental state.
I had this object that everyone believed was good luck. I wore it, it brought me bad luck. Thinking I disappointed to "great Gods Above" i tried all sorts of tactics to get that magic working. I rubbed it, I turned it, I pointed it in all directions (and before we get our minds stuck in some nasty gutter, it has nothing to do with a male body part. thank you) now that that's otu of the way, back to what i was saying. So i tried everything and the thing just didn't seem to be working for me. Rebel Me took it off and voila, things seem to start falling into place again. And now all that's left is the white patch where it used to sit.
I think every now and then to give it another chance, put it back on. But is my curiosity and possibilities of second impressions worth the risk?

I played role play with my boyfriend yesterday. I became him- ignorant, careless/carefree, the "WHIPPER" and he tried to be me- emotional, expectant, and forever waiting, the "WHIPPEE". Funny thing is he doesn't know we switched roles.
Im trying something new, irony being, it was working all day long until right about now, I'm lonely, sleepy, tired and waiting for a phone call.
Square one?
maybe.
but there's no way in hell im calling:)