RandomRant

Hey..you know how these go. No structure, no proper punctuation. just words flowing out.

So someone told me I shouldn't stop writing. wow I lasted 24 whole hours! Anyone who knows a rat's ass about me knows that's sarcasm. Who needs health beenfits and a $25,00 program with a pseudo psychologist when we have blog therapy. Free, with no face. Who says I gotta do all the talking. Yes, I have issues, major issues. I've come to accept that just as fast as I accepted that somethings are never in your control. Life's just a cruel old fucking bitch. So you know what. I'm done answering the questions i have no answers to. Who said all questions have answers anyways? What do we think about the questions that have no answers? The ones that end in dotdotdot followed with a solitary question mark? What does it mean to be alone in a city full of people? We're all dying if you think about it, yet some are dying faster, with more pain. Is that worse than the healthy ones who are dying at a slow pace but are filled with regrets? I guess the real question I'm getting at is "Would you rather live with regrets or die with a smile on your face?"
I hear bullshit millionaires rap and sing about this shit all the time. you know what i used to think? "Psh, dramatic shit they spit out to earn that extra buck." Now i realize its so much more. It takes a lot more courage to walk on stage and reveal your soul out to over 4 billion people than it does to walk into a familiar cubicle and punch numbers about shit no one really cares about.
What happened to that little girl who thought everyone around her was invincible. I dont fight with anyone, I don't argue with anyone, I don't hate anyone. Why? Because I can't put myself through the proess of hurting someone intentionally when there's a chance I will never see them again. Yeah everyone's taught to say that but how many people follow it and actualyl believe it? trust me when I say, it takes more than a 4th period history class to learn about the value of life. It takes losing someone; closing your eyes and hearing them, smelling them, seeing them, and opening your eyes to know they're not with you anymore. no one really knwos the pain of death until they face it head on.
do you know what its like to stand on your feet, legs firm on the ground but watch as everyone around you crumbles?why doesnt god just stop playing his games and knock ME down? Does anyoen have any fucking idea what it's like to have no control over anything, and to witness the people you love die slowly and painfully? fuck the world. fuck science. fuck miracles. where the fuck is a miracle when you need one? I'll gladly go to hell, if it means enjoying the time I have on Earth with the people I love.
This is how psychopathic serial killers are born. If God cannot value a life, why should I? Except I do, just one. and I want her to live forever.