IV

Dear Him,
Now, for every moment you lied to me, hid the truth, twisted your past, and led me on, here's what i have to say.Instead of talking about what i regret let me tell out what i don't. I'm happy i chose not to take that extra step with you. i don't wish i could take back all the times i made you cry. I'm glad I kept you out of the most important decisions of my life and didn't fall for your pathetic attempts at romance. I cherish all the times i lied to you, all the times i made you wonder what the hell you were doing this late talking to me. I want to repeat all those moments I reminded myself I deserved better. All the times i doubted how much i mean to you. I liked how sometimes you cried at night, and i figured it out and faked trying to make you feel better. I liked how you pretended to be all big the next day and said you were the one who was faking it, because i knew- i hurt you and i like that feeling right there- knowing someone finally broke through that happy exterior and that person was me.
And you know what else, all the times you thought u had the power-heh. remember every night when you would hang up to go sleep. i never slept nor did i wait. you didn't need to put your phone on silent, because you were the last person on my mind during the late hours when i was busy calling someone else.
I am sorry though. Sorry you didn't know how to satisfy anyone but yourself. Sorry i actually gave a face to your mask. Sorry I actually thought your heart could beat. I'm sorry for all the coming days and nights, when you will sit there and fight with your ego. Even more sorry for all the times you learn to swallow it and make that phone call. Because you know where i'll be then? Nowhere close to you.
I'm glad we never had our first date. I'm happy we spoke the words but never understood. I'm also proud of myself for not believing all the bullshit that came out of your mouth. I'm glad I knew people talk pure shit when in pleasure. I don't regret how i didn't falter even once when you said you loved me. I loved each and every time when you said it and i hung up without saying it back. 'Cuz these are the things i am glad about, and these are the same things that are going to get me through never seeing your face again.
you know what else makes me happy--knowing that words can't read the real me.
Truly signing off,
Her