XXVI

It seems nowadays that just being yourself is never enough. You must ask permission and make sure that you fit in the definition of 'normal'. You are a social outcast and a societal reject without this sense of belonging. So here I go.

is it okay to enjoy simple things and not have a reason? Cuz that's what my problem is. Why do I like jabbing pencils in sticky tack? Why do I dress up around the house? Why do I enjoy watching children play? There's no specific reason and nor do I need one. That's just the way i was made. There's no past that can explain my joys. there's no hidden motive to my pleasures. It's the same reason I like licking whipped cream off of a straw. I know it makes me fat and I am also aware it can be eaten on fruits. Do i want it that way? No. And don't bother asking me why.

Is it weird to be in love with people knowing no one else understands? I don't really care if you can't relate to her. Or if you think she's socially awkward. I know she's socially awkward and not perfectly normal but maybe that's why I love her. I love her so I can avoid petty popular people like yourself.
6 foot, tall dark, blow up/ fauxhawk hairdo and a dazzling natural smile. You walk around with him like a purse, enjoying how every one else wants one just like him. Yes i agree that might be your definition of a perfect guy but that does not cut it for me. A mannequin just won't do and for that, I apologize. I'm sorry I have better taste than three quarters of you and I'm even more sorry you disagree.

are you allowed to question why you ask questions? Recreate rules that no one but yourself will follow? 'Cuz I think it's time i make some things clear. No, i will not pretend like I miss you just because you do. I will not do the "ethically moral" thing by saying 'I love you too'. I will not switch to coffee's just because Tim Horton's is telling me to Roll up the Rim. I don't care if iced caps in the winter are horrible. If i forget my Tcard, i will not go back all the way for one swipe of an entrance which you control 2 feet away. I will not stop being afraid of spiders. I think proper etiquette on a date is not sipping green tea slowly as he devoirs the food. It's digging right in there and finishing it together. Yes, I wish i was skinnier but that does not make it wrong to order dessert.

Does it make me selfish to want to change myself for myself and no one else? I'll be honest. I enjoy studying so I can get that 4.0 GPA. It's not to show the world, or not even to make a difference. It's for myself. I like being nice to people. I love it when I get that special chance to give up my seat for someone elderly. I don't give a shit if the guy beside me "booked it"cuz I really don't care who was watching. I did it cuz i wanted to. I find joy in leaving post-it notes on my friend's doors even though i live with them. I do it 'cuz it makes me happy

I've finally realized that too many people waste too much time doing things to fit in. It doesn't matter if you understand me or not. And it also doesn't matter if you think I do things that aren't 'normal'. I don't care what you expect out of me 'cuz at the end of the day, this is what you're going to get. Have high expectations from me, and you will be disappointed. Come expecting nothing, and I promsie I will amaze you. So do me a favour and define normal. Not just a word, or a phrase, but a real long definition. And then take a moment to see who fits in it. And while you're sitting there staring at your empty list, i will be redefining what I believe is myself.